"The truth is, when you were young, you were able to do as you liked
and go wherever you wanted to.
But when you are old, you will stretch out your hands,
and others will direct you and take you where you don't want to go."
John 21:18
I am beginning to realize the source of some darkness in my heart.
One of the major internal challenges I face involves submission. I find myself silently resenting those in authority. Those who are checking to see if I'm drinking enough water. Those looking carefully at my uniform. Those who yell or talk too directly for my taste.
For the last 10 plus years at my desk, I set my schedule. I was the one in charge of the agenda. I set expectations and managed outcomes. In less than one week my world has changed 180 degrees. Now I must be where I am told to be at least 15 minutes before I'm supposed to be there. I'm now accountable for some of the smallest details of my life. I cannot get into my car and drive outside of the base without permission. My system is in a minor state of shock. At times I go negative.
This is a spiritual battle Satan must not win.
For some time I've regarded submission as central to spiritual maturity. That lack of submisson stands at the core of many of our inner struggles. Well the rubber is meeting the road.
The motto of Fort Jackson is "Victory Starts Here". I believe that if this next chapter of my life is going to go anywhere, than victory must start here, with the submission issue.
I thank God for the victory that lies ahead. For revealing this to me. I envision being a better chaplain, a better husband, a better father, a better person, because of this battle.
Battles are tough. but victory is sweet. ........................................................not there yet but identifying the problem is 1/2 the battle.
___________________________________________________________
Did some more drills this morning. I need to work on my footwork. I was also issued a helmet and other "battle gear". I need to get a pitcure of me in my uniform up here so everyone can get a chuckle :). NOTE-remember, I am not EVER authorized to touch a weapon (so rest easy).
Tomorrow I am planning on going to 3 religious services to observe and take notes for an assignment......
and go wherever you wanted to.
But when you are old, you will stretch out your hands,
and others will direct you and take you where you don't want to go."
John 21:18
I am beginning to realize the source of some darkness in my heart.
One of the major internal challenges I face involves submission. I find myself silently resenting those in authority. Those who are checking to see if I'm drinking enough water. Those looking carefully at my uniform. Those who yell or talk too directly for my taste.
For the last 10 plus years at my desk, I set my schedule. I was the one in charge of the agenda. I set expectations and managed outcomes. In less than one week my world has changed 180 degrees. Now I must be where I am told to be at least 15 minutes before I'm supposed to be there. I'm now accountable for some of the smallest details of my life. I cannot get into my car and drive outside of the base without permission. My system is in a minor state of shock. At times I go negative.
This is a spiritual battle Satan must not win.
For some time I've regarded submission as central to spiritual maturity. That lack of submisson stands at the core of many of our inner struggles. Well the rubber is meeting the road.
The motto of Fort Jackson is "Victory Starts Here". I believe that if this next chapter of my life is going to go anywhere, than victory must start here, with the submission issue.
I thank God for the victory that lies ahead. For revealing this to me. I envision being a better chaplain, a better husband, a better father, a better person, because of this battle.
Battles are tough. but victory is sweet. ........................................................not there yet but identifying the problem is 1/2 the battle.
___________________________________________________________
Did some more drills this morning. I need to work on my footwork. I was also issued a helmet and other "battle gear". I need to get a pitcure of me in my uniform up here so everyone can get a chuckle :). NOTE-remember, I am not EVER authorized to touch a weapon (so rest easy).
Tomorrow I am planning on going to 3 religious services to observe and take notes for an assignment......
Do you want me to mail you "Under Cover"? Sorry, I couldn't resist. Excellent book, by the way. I read it a couple of times; it helped me out a lot. I saw Keri and the kids today. We had fun. You ARE very blessed, and you are going to make a great chaplain.
ReplyDeletebig :)
ReplyDeleteI did think of you and that book. The heart and the brain are two different things.
Thanks for the good word. Keri & kids told me about the visit. Sounded fun.
Blessings to your family!
Being 'pushed' into the submission thing is something I can relate to, and I know that allowing God to be in control is the only way through it. Having someone 'in your face' about everything certainly changes your processes. When you are totally submissive to God's will, all the rest will fall into place.
ReplyDeleteM2
TRUE statement Mitch!!! :)
ReplyDeleteBeen there done that, and it is the only way it works... I have to start the process over and over daily and sometimes many times througout the day! It's a work in progress... :) Don't be too hard on yourself! Hang in there!
Heather